Man I am so Trippin' and Excited with a capital E! I had my first Dance off ever in the White Water Dorm of Job corps. My first Dance off and it's at a school go figure. My first time dancing in front of a group was at a School dance. ( Besides on Stage of course) I was dancing my ass off and then this Bomb ass Male dancer Alex issued a Dance off agaisn't me & this black girl Shawanna. I was all nervous because she's African-American and can I compete with her? but I did and she won but I honastly don't care she was nice about gave me a high five and said I dance real good. and it was fun. I sure wish Mike had been in there or better yet Cle'o & Sam!
The only one who did have a problem was this girl named Shanna but then again she hates everyone & was just jelous. I was looking at her when she was Dancing and was like okay Nice Booty shake now can you DO anything else? She's this Red head trying to be Black and it's just not working for her. I'm more Black then her. I need to go back to Tacoma again forAwhile because I'm starting to lose that. but, Even I would not put cornRows in my hair or an Afro. no matter how Black I am inside. It's Disrespecful. Just like I don't like African-Americans wearing Preppy ass outfits and Dying there hair Blonde (Uhem Eve Uhem) aren't they proud of who they are? I know I am.
]]> Dec 15 2004 [I am so Over Tyler ( The guy who looks like Ludcris) I gave Him a letter and he showed it to his friends. now I would do the same. that's not what piss's me off. but the fact that he laughed at it! ( Kinda like Daniel) God, all these guys I've met so far are like 5 year olds! It's Pathetic and the Gothic one's wont talk to me.
Of course there is this one Ethiopian that asked me what my name was and was really nice. he's also very Handsome. he's Dark of course with short hair dark Brown eyes and a Goatee. They were having a Holiday here and the one's from Ethiopia were dancing. they are really good. no one has seen me dance yet. I'm not sure if they would be impressed. Oh that guy also has a cute Smile.
I do like Mike but were too good of friends and I don't want to screw that up. Me & Khori talk every now and then but no biggie. I did notice though that when I mentioned wanting to go out with Tyler Mike looked dissapointed. He's been kinda down today, Snapping at people and being by himself. He's not usaully like that he's Usaully in high spirits. Laughing and talking about his Music. he's Very intelligent and can Sing and Play the Guitar. But, AnyWays I'm going to Try to talk to him. even if he does have this Misconception about age.
]]>(Wow a LONG Gap in writing lol)
Oct 3 2004 [I'm over at Sam's housse now! we watched FireFly and Yesterday we Danced at Homecoming and other stuff.... Yeah...Anyhoo... We still need to finish writing Vampress Maidens. Okay, I'm going to go now . Yeah... ByEEEEEE!
]]> Sept 22 2004 [
I'm going to job corps at the end of October. so I'll be able to go to HomeComing without a problem and Holloween too. yeah.... I'm going to be Evil Alice half of the time (I have the costume) and a Gothic Fairy when we go out to the Haunted Houses.
Oh, I had some very nice Dreams about Sam last night. yeah... anyhoo....
]]> Sept 21 2004 [I feel Lost, I Feel Alone, I feel Dark and Troubled. then she shows up and I'm okay. I'm Alive finally. I can breath and I can trust and I can open my heart without feeling scared. that is what she has taught me. With her I am Complete. Because without her I would surely die.
Without any of you guys. (B.F.F. essspecially) I would not be here. Thank you all. I love U!
]]>I am Happy! Toooday!! Me & Sam got back together yay! Laura said someone would have to break it to Eric. I'll break it to him. I'll break more then that! *Sword slices Skin* Yeah, anyhoo... he's scary..... so is STephie (Sarcasm) but, for diffrent reasons. well, all that matters is that me & Sam are back together and nothing is going to tear us apart no matter how many people talk.
]]> Sept 20 2004
Well, Me & Cleo Are freinds again. so, I don't have to give up on the words Best freind. and turn into a recluse. like I was going to. she's happy for me & Sam it was just her own problems. (wich I'm not going to say. I realize this is on the World Wide Web!) so, yeah we just promised to talk about our problems more often.
]]> Sept 14 2004 me. I'm not going to change my mind again. because she's the one I need. And that's IT! only her. yup. I'm going to Job Corps on the 28 as far as I know. *Tear* but, that's okay It'll be good for me. I still hope I can go to Homecoming... ]]> Sept 14 The love you need is already here. when you call me I'm gonna be there. then Why I wanna look for love in all the wrong places? I don't know.I know you better then you know yourself. and I could show you better then they could show you. I had you on such a high Pedestal. do things for you I swear I'd NEVER do. (like ignore all my friends just to make sure I didn't slip up again. but, I guess I did) but, you know I had to move on I guess. People was in my ear saying you did me wrong and I didn't have to believe'em but, I guess I did. (Do I still? I'm not sure) you being so distant and that was just not the norm. now everything you said did you really mean? 'cause everything I said (like your my reason 2 start over knew) I still mean now. you can make the frown and all the crying sounds. but, if you would have just talked to me first you would have found out the truth.
The love you need is already here. when you call me I'm gonna be there. then Why I wanna look for love in all the wrong places? I don't know.
You ask me "why you keep fooling with him then?" well, I didn't. but, now you're gone so I guess I'm with him. or should I walk alone? I don't know how! I felt that maybe HE would notice me and if not then I don't know what to do. to get you back. I don't know if I can. or even if I 'm ready to deal with all this again.
I used to say " Tell me what you want from me. take a look at what you see. something you can have for years." but,I'm sick of being Blind. and right now this scares me. because, I can't get you out of my head. and I wonder when that day will come when you'll be gone from my memory. my Freinds say to just let you go. but, it's a lot more Complicated then that.
The love you need is already here. when you call me I'm gonna be there. then Why I wanna look for love in all the wrong places? I don't know.
Aint it funny how a good girl trys so hard to be bad. so, she can fit in with "her kind of People" she claims to have issues that she can't fix. you can't or you won't? because, everyone, unless there incredibly weak, can fix there life and make it right. I did it all by myself. and I tried to help you but, you refused to be fixed. they wan't to be with people that'll lose there life rather then with someone who will do them right. I only wanted to make sure you had everything I got. Make sure you were happy and push my problems aside. now, I realize, Mateareil things don't matter that much and I need'd for you to be for me too. don't let me be the one to hold you up and go fight your demons I can't always be there. and maybe that's why I left you because, I was leaving litterly anyways. and I thought this way it would hurt you less. not make you pine away just think I was bad. It seems to be working 'cause you're stronger now. but, well it's easier for U it's slowley killing me. I didn't say that to mess with your mind. you can relax.
The love you need is already here. when you call me I'm gonna be there. then Why I wanna look for love in all the wrong places? I don't know. "I'm telling you love don't act like that! I'm tellling you now love don't act like that!" yeah, but how else was I supposed to tell you? wasn't this easier? instead of having to be gone from you for 2 years? Right?
]]> Sept 15 2004 I started cutting again. Why you ask? well, if you've hurt somebody so much. you start feeling like maybe you should hurt yourself too. I don't regret it either. I deserved it.I am so Sorry that I did that to you! that was just me being pissed off & not realizing what I had done.
I wish my Goddess would come back and pick me up carrying me out of the waters I'm Drowning in. You told me you would always love me & by proposing to you I Promised Forever. I'm sorry about breaking that promise. I messed up but, I NEVER meant for us to Break up at all! I was remembering all the bad things without realizing that there were alot more good things as well. like our Journel, like our poems to each other & our Looks like we could read eachothers minds. I'm sorry for being such a bitch. but, I thought you did things that you really didn't people were talking, saying how you were Cheating on me, Still talking to Daniel and I believed them. I believed them without ever talking to you I'm sorry about that. I thought It would be easiar to just let you go I thought maybe I could move on... But, I can't! I don't know how! and everytime I'm without you it seems to hurt more. I'd do anything now "I'd walk the Desert & I'd Swim the sea as long as when I get there you're in Love with me." maybe, If you ever forgive me we could do it over? right this time. and ask eachother questions and it won't feel like a trivia game. and I Promise that I will not do that again. If I'm mad about something and you're not here I'll call you. Or you can ask me what's wrong. and calm me down. (you've always been able to calm me down before)
For what it's worth I'm Sorry. And I still love you. I've never stopped.
]]> July 30 2004 July 17 2004 Thursday, July 01, 2004 This was from awhile Back.....Thursday, July 01, 2004
| My eyes sting and are now Red from days of crying. My heart hurts from Days of missing her and wondering what is going on? My Hate is for my Friends especially My "Best Friend" becuase it seems they have all deserteated me. i need to talk to my love to ask her to help me. but, she is not here. and when I leave (Wich is soon) when I come back will I even have her? I miss my old life. oh, if I could turn back time I surley would. as I look at my arm cut up once again this time worse. I begin to cry and wish she would call ___ Witchka Sam's reaction: |
I U WE
By: Micheal Jackson
Typed by: Witchka
I said U had to do it. U said U didn't want to. We talked about it, and we agreed maybe I could help. I said you were wrong U insisted U were right.We held eachother and right & wrong dissapeared. I began crying. U began crying too. we embraced and between us grew a flower of peace.
How I love this mystery called We! Where does it come from I wonder, out of thin air? I thought about this mystery, and relized something: we must be Loves favorite child, becuase until I reach 4 you, We is not even there. It arrives on the wings of tenderness, it speaks through our silent understanding. when i laugh at myself, it smiles. when I forgive you, it dances in jubilation.
so We is not a choice anymore, not if U & I want to grow together. We unites us, increases our strenght, it picks up our burden when U & I are ready to fall. the truth is that U & I would have given up long ago, but We won't let us. it is too wise. "Look into you're hearts." it says. " What do U see? not U & I, but only We."
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